Friday, June 28, 2013

Web of Lies

          I allowed my web of lies to keep me from my passion the last 2 weeks, in an apology to my soul I will never let it happen again. I got wrapped up in life, in my business, my kids last week of school and left no time for me, for my passion. Lucky for me I know my old tricks and purposefully scheduled my first ever Writer's Workshop with Hay House publisher over this past weekend.  I knew once school for the kids was done and the weekend before my summer work schedule began I would need an escape. No better place than New York City, in one of my favorite places in the world learning all about my new favorite thing...writing!
          So I carried my backpack of guilt and exhaustion into the city from my last 2 weeks of feeling like I wasn't able to put 100% into anything I did (especially missing my first weekly blog post).  I parked the car in the cheapest garage I could find, I asked the attendant how much it would be for the day, he responded $16. Now for anyone that has parked a car in NYC you know that $16 is a BARGIN!! I took it as a good omen and walked up the street to Hotel Pennsylvania. The hotel itself was a bit grungy and run down but the energy was palpable, exciting and bustling with tourists, seminar attendees and employees eager to help. All the way to the 18th floor I felt my heart rate start to rise, I was nervous and full of anticipation. After check-in I found a seat amongst the other 200 participants that had registered, I took out my notepad and pen and eagerly awaited the knowledge to pour into my brain. I had the realization that this was the first time I registered to take a class about writing, another step on the path back to my true self. The weekend was everything and a zillion times more what I ever could've wished for, I soaked up every word from Reid Tracey Hay House CEO, Kris Carr was beyond inspirational and transformative for me. Other greats included Gabrielle Bernstein, the "Spiritual Junkie" and then came my zinger...Nancy Levin.
          Nancy is the event coordinator at Hay House and now a brilliant self-published writer. She holds a Master degree in poetry and was given the job of getting us writing (which let me tell you as a new writer, that is a daunting task, writers block is a form of the plague). She did many exercises over the weekend but one in particular as I said zinged me and you know how I love to be called on my sh**t. The assignment was as follows, write for 5 minutes about a story I tell myself and then what the truth is. Deep right?!? I thought so, I immediately went to why I have not started writing a book yet and I will share with you what I wrote (no editing has been done).

          I tell myself I am not smart enough, educated enough, worldly enough to become a writer, speaker and transformational coach. The truth is I am perfect, although imperfectly perfect I am exactly where I am meant to be on this path of healing and learning. One becomes their thoughts, if I think I am not smart, I will not be smart. I need to say it aloud especially when I do not believe it, own it when I feel less than deserving, and breathe it when I feel like I am suffocating. Stop telling yourself no and start telling yourself yes. Do not do and say to yourself what my Dad and his wife did and said to me. 

          So that is me being completely vulnerable, I show you my insecurities and this piece of my writing because the most AMAZING thing happened right after! Anyone that is looking to live a deeper, happier, soul-satisfying life needs to read on. I have held myself back from writing for years because I didn't go to college for it, I do not have the credentials that what I thought made a professional writer.  IT IS AN EXCUSE AND A DREAM KILLER. So I vowed after reading my answer to never say I am not, can not become or am not smart enough to be a writer. The workshop ended after 2 full days of to this date the most inspiring days of learning in my life! I think I walked but it felt like I skipped with a big, fat smile to my car. I greeted the parking attendants and it went down like this.....

Attendant ~ "Hello, will we have the pleasure of seeing you again tomorrow?"

Me ~ "Unfortunately no, my workshop ended today so back to my day job tomorrow in New Jersey"

Attendant ~ "What was your workshop on?"

Me ~ "Writing"

Attendant ~ "Oh! So you are a writer"

Me ~ "YES I am!" (Can you feel the smile on my face?)

Attendant ~ "Wow, you must be very smart!" (Seriously...I kid you not!!)

Me ~ "I am brilliant!"

Attendant ~ "What type of book are you writing?"

Me ~ "I am writing my story to heal myself and inspire others to live their best lives."

Attendant ~ "So you must be very happy."

Me ~ "In this moment I couldn't be happier, are you happy?" (I knew his answer, his eyes told me before he spoke)

Attendant ~ "Yes, I am very happy. Yesterday as I walked home from work I walked past 2 homeless men on the sidewalk, one asked me for a quarter. I honestly didn't have one and explained that to him, with that the other man sitting next to him grabbed a dollar out of his hat that he used to collect donations and passed it to the him saying, go get yourself a cup of coffee my friend." (The attendants eyes welled up, as did mine) "When I see things like that I am reminded to be grateful for all I have and to be happy."

Me ~ "What you saw was human spirit and the clarity you have is you in alignment with your soul, absolutely beautiful and inspiring. Thank you for sharing that story with me."

Attendant ~ "Thank you for being so kind and treating us like people this weekend, not all people are so kind and aware of the people around them in life when parking their cars. Please come back anytime."

Me ~ "I sure will and thank you, it has been a pleasure talking with you, have a beautiful week."

          So that right there was me being in alignment with spirit, with my true self. I became my thoughts, just like that! I opened myself to thinking and speaking to myself in a kind, dream affirming way and the universe instantly gave me the gift of a test to see if I really meant it.  When I did I was given the gift of having a truly meaningful interaction with a beautiful soul in alignment with how I try to live in this world. Since this interaction just this week I have had 2 people close to me offer help in the arena of publishing and writers coaching! I have started to write my new bio for my new web page and I have started to write my story. With no expectations, not worrying about where it will go, or if it is perfect, I started it to heal myself. Now if those things are not the universe, spirit, maybe even God telling me that I am moving in the right direction then it is one REALLY big coincidence! However I don't really believe in coincidences, I believe everything happens for a reason and that you are the master of your ship.  What you say you become.......

          Try it out and let me know how changing your thoughts can help change your life, leave a comment at the blog or email me pilatesfusionllc@gmail.com.
pilatesfusionllc.blogspot.com

With gratitude...
xo,
M